my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
