I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize