guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
