i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
