I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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