Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
