Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
