You really coming over, don't trick.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
