its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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