3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
