You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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