Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
