If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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