kristin has been a bad kristin
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
