I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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