Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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