i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
