if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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