Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
