And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm like, not good at living.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
