There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
