Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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