Do you still have your period?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
