i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
