I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
