I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
