Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
