bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
