Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
