I feel like I'm in dance class right now
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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