I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
