I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
