drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dicks are not precious.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
