I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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