I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
