I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
