please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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