It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
