"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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