mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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