fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
