id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I need to stop coming to work sober
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
