my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
