and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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