took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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