Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
