Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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