If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
