quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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