we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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