Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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