we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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