Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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