just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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