Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
