Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
