just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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